It is fairly common for parents, especially first-time parents, to have no real idea of what is “normal” for a child their age. This guide is written as “interpreted” – a way of using the words a teacher might use to describe your child’s behavior to understand your child’s brain. Teachers are often reluctant to label a student with ADHD—in some states, they’re not legally allowed to do so—which, as the parent, means it’s your responsibility to recognize them when describing them.
The teacher says: “Your child is not completing the work.”
Ask your teacher: Why not? If the teacher described a series of situations in which your child got sucked into a non-work-related task and forgot the task existed, consider the possibility that ADHD caused this type of distraction. If the teacher describes your child as being frustrated that other children were being disruptive or annoying, or simply staring out the window instead of finishing, you may have a child who really wants to do the task, but really can’t.
The teacher says: “Your child is always talking.”
If your teacher complains that your child is constantly interrupting the person who should have the word, or that he just can’t seem to keep quiet during quiet time, consider the possibility of ADHD making him forget the “rules” of school conversation. Children with ADHD often spoil their ideas without a filter. If your teacher complains that your student is taking too many words to get “to the point” when answering a question, that is also a classic sign of ADHD.
The teacher says: “Your child does not get along.”
Ask your teacher: when? Often, children with ADHD have problems dealing with frustration when they don’t get what they want, and they frequently feel like they should have the last word. This can lead to some amazing shouting matches, but also to some completely botched attempts at teaming up. If they are compatible when they are not “in the spotlight,” but not when their performance is intentionally noticed, then ADHD is a strong possibility.
The teacher says: “Your child never pays attention”
If your teacher complains that your child is asking, “What?” Or other simple, broad questions even when they seemed to be listening — or acting as they understood but clearly had no idea what they were supposed to do — is an excellent indicator of ADHD. Kids with ADHD are often smart enough to present the correct look (i.e., listen or understand directions) even when their brains are actually busy building Minecraft buildings instead of listening. But when the time comes to show their understanding…it just isn’t there.
Understanding how a teacher views a student with ADHD—whether they realize it or not—can help you understand how and why your student might need some well-deserved help to make it happen in school. The worst thing you can do is force them to continue to fail when the possibility of them thriving is only an open acknowledgment away.